At the end of each college football season, Virginia Tech fans get all nervous and sweaty at the thought that some other school will abscond with their team's long-time defensive coordinator and goatee specialist, Bud Foster. But once again, the school's Nike and Television contract bank vault, hidden under the Jamerson Athletic Center, has been opened to keep Blacksburg Bud at home.
Virginia Tech Director of Athletics Jim WeaverBall.com. announced this week the school's contract pays Foster $8,000,000,000.
Foster expressed surprise at the contract since he only asked for "a new parking space closer to my office."
Some of the compensation package includes:
*One new Hokie Hummer for each interception returned for a touchdown. (Bud has permission to speed through campus at 85 mph. )
* Twenty-eight virgins in the Afterlife of his choosing if Bud’s defense helps the team to a National Championship.
*A New York City goatee stylist.
Also, Bud may employ campus kitchen staff to brew BUD FOSTER’S LAGER, a smooth blend of American blue-collar favorite, BUDWEISER, and Australian import , FOSTER'S.
Ridiculously fanatical Golden Hokie football fans will pick up the tab for the extra perks, said Weaverball.com on the Athletic Director’s website.
"Boy, I know how my wife will react to the whole virgin thing -- not good! We'll probably discuss that clause over dinner one evening. I'm not looking forward to that meal,” said Foster.