Brother Wendell Beckett, the somewhat less famous twin brother of popular British art critic, Sister Wendy Beckett, stopped in town recently to critique the local Hokie Bird statues. Brother Wendell, who sports a goatee and dons a nun’s habit just like his sister (for reasons The New Yokel didn’t ask), spoke gently and kindly of the local artists’ curious Hokie Bird mascot creations.
“This one delights me as did the golden sarcophagus of the boy king, Tut Uncommon,” Beckett said, clasping his hands very Wendy-like while a camera crew recorded the scene outside the National Bank of Blacksburg on Main Street.
But then sibling turned sinister on sister…
“But was I, Brother Wendell, invited to Egypt! Oh no! Not me!” he thundered, pointing a craggy finger skyward like Charlton Heston in drag.
Local drivers stopped text-messaging to watch the drama...
“My camera-hogging sister got to see Tut, but not Brother Wendell! Oh, she’s soooooo charming with her buck-toothed grin and coke-bottle glasses magnifying her persona. And that flowing black-and-white garb, so saintly! Please! Who is she kidding, huh? I was the sibling who dropped out of art school and looked after the family butcher business because dear Wendy was too busy saying her rosary to help slaughter animals. So she gets invited to critique Vemeer and Titian and Van Gogh. And I’m left with turkey leftovers!
Brother Wendell then kicked the Hokie Bird statue and was later spotted fleeing town, a seething swish of black-cloaked anger, holding a pink ticket for “Disorderly contact with a local religious icon,” issued by downtown bike cop, father Chico da Blacksburg.